I have been very open about the fact that it was a tough year for us. We were blessed enough that although I was without employment for 8 months, Chris was teaching the entire time. We scaled back quite a bit and tightened up our spending. We always had a full pantry and freezer, so it was hard but never the devastation that others have faced. We had a lot of support when we needed it and we were very lucky.
With Christmas upon us, we decided last month that we would have a smaller year. We prepared the kids and they all agreed that we were grateful for what we had and we didn't need anything. We let our family and friends know that with the current situation of the pandemic, we would celebrate with them after the holidays and after the lock downs were lifted. Our plan was to take out our friends and family for one-on-one evening of re-connection later on. The intention was to appreciate what we had now. And honestly, there wasn't a lot to spare. We were coming out of an 8 month hole. Although we were at peace with our decisions, we definitely missed finding the perfect gift for our friends and family.
In November, I got my job. A dream job, really-my professional dream. With the additional income, we altered our plans and bought some gifts for the kids. It wasn't the Christmas we normally have, but it was nice to surprise them with a few things.
They say it's better to give than to receive. Everyone in my life has a very giving heart. They volunteer and give as part of their life. It's second nature. The truth is, it's hard to receive. I had a conversation two days ago with someone who prayed to have the heart to receive when the helpers came to her. When you are so used to giving, and suddenly you have to be on the receiving end, it's not easy to swallow some pride and be humble with grace. It's definitely something I have had to do. It's something I need to continue to work on.
Yesterday I found myself reminding myself to receive with an open and humble heart. People we love bestowed gift upon gift to us. People at work were dropping off Christmas blessings wrapped in paper and pretty bows in my office. My boss bestowed a generous gift to me. Someone sent me a Secret Santa in the form of a season paid for my running group. At one point yesterday afternoon, it all felt like so much and I sat at my desk at work with tears in my eyes. I felt so grateful. I still do. Many of these people (not all-my work friends have no way of knowing what we went through for 8 months) knew what our year looked like and still found us worthy of symbols of their love and kindness and thoughtfulness. Chris and I took a deep breath and looked at each other and accepted the love and gifts with the receiving heart that these blessings deserve.
It's been a year for the books, for sure. We were reminded to cherish what is important and to shed the superfluous. I don't think I will ever take anything for granted ever again. I know I won't. I still have a lot to learn about receiving. It's hard. But I am more aware of the importance of letting a giver give. I can't steal anyone's joy in giving because it's hard to receive. I will look them in the eye and thank them and let them know how important they are to me. I will have an open and receiving heart.
One day life will be closer to the normal we are used to. Until then, I will continue to embrace the lessons that 2020 is forcing me to learn.
No comments:
Post a Comment