I have always wanted a daughter. And I have always wanted three children. I was blessed with two sons biologically and they are the light of my life, no matter how many grey hairs they give me. I am so lucky that my wish eventually came through, just not the way I thought it would.
A little over 10 years ago I met Madison. I met her before I met her daddy. Many of you know the story of how Chris and I met-and through Madison's mom and stepdad, who was my good friend from work, this little girl and I came face-to-face for the first time.
Madison and I didn't have an easy time to start with. She was her daddy's whole world and he jumped when she wanted him to. It was not easy for her to have another person in her orbit, especially at 9 years old.
Through the years we have had our ups and downs, and we have grown to love each other.
I have immense respect for her mom and always made sure to not step on Lisa's toes while building my own relationship with her daughter. Madison and I cooked together, putting together grand feasts for Thanksgiving and other holidays through the years. We baked a whole afternoon's worth of lemon desserts through the quarantine days. She joined my run club. We trained and completed 3 half marathons together, before we did one as a whole family-and then another after that. We had family vacations together and weekends away. I always loved it when she wanted to join me and Chris at Disneyland or for a weekend at Big Bear. She has always been up to share an adventure with me.
Two years ago, Madison spread her wings and went away to college almost 600 miles away. She was so brave. It's not easy to follow through on a big move like that at 18 years old. And as hard as it was for her to not want to pack up and come home, she stayed there and built an existence where she thrives.
Chris and I took a visit to see her world a few weeks ago. It was so good to hug her tight. We were only in her town for 2 1/2 days, but we had a lot of fun. She had big plans for us! We saw her apartment and she told us about their escapades. It made me smile because it reminded me of my similar days in an apartment very much like the one in which she lives. We got the grand tour of her beautiful campus. We loved seeing where she is making her mark. We wanted to spoil her a little bit and after grabbing a bite for breakfast, we took her shopping. It is fun to give our kids what they want or need at unexpected times. She and I had a good time going through jewelry racks together and picking out some cute earrings to wear. We showed her our Air BnB and then she and I took a nap, while her dad did his own unwinding on his trusty laptop. I very much needed a nap after hearing her plans for us later that night.
Our social butterfly had some sorority plans for early in the evening, so Chris and I settled in to watch the Playoff game of Padres vs Dodgers. We were to meet up with her at 10:45 pm at a fraternity for a party. Two 50+ year old parents were going to a fraternity party-not to mention, waaaaay past our bedtime. 😂 It has been 30 years since I was at one and I don't think Chris has ever had the pleasure.
At the allotted time, we arrived at the fraternity house. We took a deep breath and walked across the street to see our favorite gal, eagerly waiting for us at the door. Although we were skeptical about her friends wanting us there, they were all so welcoming and friendly. Every single one of her friends walked up to us and introduced themselves. One even took Chris' number so they can keep in touch.
We stayed 90 minutes before we decided to leave them to their own Saturday night fun. As much as it was a cool adventure to be welcomed by Madison and her friends, we were a little out of our element, as the minutes ticked on. We could only hang for so long.
What struck me most was that in the middle of her college Saturday night party time, there was our Madison, having a great time and surrounded by people she trusts. And they were all looking out for each other. She had a circle of people watching out for her and she was watching out for them. I saw her completely capable and mature and yet so much in her element of being a carefree youth-on the cusp of adulthood.
I was really proud. I still am.
We have our kids in our homes for a short time. Most of those moments we are pulling our hair out and figuring things out as we can. We see them as babies and kids and teenagers. And then they grow up. We are only afforded a peek of who they are in their own circle, as they allow us those glimpses. Being able to see Madison spread her wings and making smart decisions about her plans and how she operates in her day-to-day was such a gift. To know that she is where she needs to be and soaring and growing and making her own place in this world, well, it made our hearts feel so full.
After only a couple of days we had to head home. We met Madison for breakfast, and she so thoughtfully brought us a gift as a thank you for visiting her. She took the time out of her day to pick out specific things she knew we would enjoy, had it wrapped and presented it to us with her final hugs as we got in the car to make the 2-hour drive to the airport.
We couldn't help but tear up a bit as we were on the road. But the tears were followed by so many smiles.
Madison calls me by name, as appropriate. And she refers to me as "second mommy". I love it so much. I am so honored to have that distinction. Her mom and dad did the right thing by her when they split, always putting Madison first. They gave her the space and the safety to love me and Brent (her stepdad), without feeling like she was betraying Chris or Lisa. They really paved the way for us to have the blended family we all get to enjoy.
Madison is smart and sassy and driven. She is thoughtful and sensitive and funny. She is loyal to those in her circle. She has lived a lot of life in her young 19 years. Seeing where she is headed, we know she will do amazing things with whatever path she chooses. In the meantime, we will watch her and encourage her and cheer her on.
A few years ago, at the San Diego fair, Madison and I broke out in dance together when Justin Timberlake's song "Can't Fight This Feeling" came on. The song is said to be about dancing, being happy and not caring what others think. I hear the song and it forever reminds me of her.
Got that good song in my feet
I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops
I can't take my eyes up off it, moving so phenomenally
You gone like the way we rock it, so don't stop
Nowhere to hide when I'm getting you close
When we move, well, you already know
So just imagine, just imagine, just imagine
Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance
Feeling good, good, creeping up on you
So just dance, dance, dance, come on
All those things I should do to you
But you dance, dance, dance
There is a certain growth and freedom in knowing yourself enough to dance and be happy and not care what others think. I didn't have it when I was 19. I saw a little bit of that in Madison. I see it a little more every time we are around her.
Madison: Don’t stop. Keep dancing. Just imagine....
I love you lots! xoxo, second mommy
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