Transformation

Transformation is a crazy thing.  I am in the middle of a transformation.  I am actually in the middle of transformation in a lot of different areas of my life.  I am hoping to come out the other side looking and feeling more like a butterfly, than a moth.  😀

The transformation that is taking up the most space in my thoughts is that of my health.  I started a liquid diet last week.  It's medically supervised and not as restrictive as it sounds, but certainly more restrictive than I have ever eaten before.  I feel things in my body that give me pause.  This actually started a few weeks prior, when I started on physician prescribed appetite suppressants.  Suddenly portion sizes were achievable.  I was full much faster than I was used to.  I didn't think about what my next meal would be anymore.  I didn't snack between meals.  I wasn't hungry.  This blew my mind!  I wasn't hungry.  I had to type that again because it has been such a foreign concept.  I feel this transformation in my body more than any other at the moment.

I have known I am not a grazer.  I have known I don't have a sweet tooth.  My husband is the sugar addict in our home.  I have known I was no longer the emotional eater I was in the past.  I have taken a lot of time and insight into fighting those demons over the last 18 months. 

I also know I am a foodie and I enjoy the entire ceremony of dining.  The conversation and the sights and sounds of the event are fun for me.  I love the camaraderie of getting together with friends and tasting different things.  When something tastes good, I want more.  And wanting and eating all of that "more" has led me to the state my body is in right now...needing to lose 100 lbs.  

The first week of the liquid diet is going well.  My friends and family are supportive.  The fact that I can supplement with vegetables makes it bearable.  Thank God for air fryers...because air fried vegetables are the deliciousness of these products of plants and soil.  

I still continue to feel full constantly.  I was telling my friends that it is so odd to feel full and sometimes a little hungry at the same time.  I am slowly figuring out how this transforming nutrition plan will be sustainable to help me reach my goals and ultimately transform my body. 

My home life is transforming.  Thankfully my children are all on a better path than they have been this past year.  Madison is living her best life in college.  Ryan has healed from a brain surgery better than anyone could have hoped.  Trevor continues to make me proud in knowing exactly what he needs from the people and situations around him as he is on his own journey to happiness.  I can see how these young adults are going to do great things.  And Chris and I are slowly becoming empty-nesters.  We still technically have them living at home, but they are at home less and less often.  The house is quieter and we are trying to find ways to downsize as we prepare to leave a big house to live in a smaller space in the future. We are transforming the clutter in our life, as the clutter that affected our family has dissolved.

My career has transformed into something I love and I am proud of.  After building a work life in the hotel business for over two decades, I am now doing something that personally touches my heart and makes a difference in others' lives.  I love working with families to find a solution for their loved ones who battle the memory-based diseases of dementia and Alzheimer's.  This transformation was perhaps the hardest to face and experience.  The loss was so great.  And now, since I trusted the opportunities that opened up to me, the rewards are bountiful.  

Financial transformation?  It's getting better...I am still waiting for the winning ticket in the lottery so I can reap the benefits of THAT transformation and help my friends and family live out all of their dreams.  haha..It gives me something to laugh about.  But seriously, this year has provided the opportunity to make monthly donations to two organizations that mean a lot to me.  And being in the position to give back, even just a little bit, makes my heart feel better.  We have been given so much over the years by people when we have been in need.  Hell, we have been given so much this year when we were facing one of the biggest obstacles of my life.  I would not have been able to survive Ryan's surgery and everything that came after it, without the support of the people who surround me.  I am so full of gratitude.  Being able to give back financially has been transformative in the way I look at myself.  After receiving for so long, I feel proud to be able to help others.  

I see how I have been resistant to change.  It is so easy to justify what we want, to avoid the change we need.  Mindset is always the hardest to transform.  To transform is to change in form or appearance.  It's painful sometimes.  And the pain can last a long time.  Sometimes it seems to last forever.  This last year?  I never thought it would end.  But when you get to the other side?  It's pretty great.  I am finally feeling the light on my face from being in the dark.  I am finally feeling the dark shed, like a snake slithers out of their own skin when they grow out of it.  I am growing out of the pain I have carried with me for far too long. 

I am embracing the transformation that is happening.  

I deserve the transformation that is coming.  

My arms are spread wide open to accept it.

Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

      -Natasha Bedingfield, "Unwritten"